Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
