When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
