Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
