there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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