he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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