I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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