I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
