but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
