Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think a kid would responsible me up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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