I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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