first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
