It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize