I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize