So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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