you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
