I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
