it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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