hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
