woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
