My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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