she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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