we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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