She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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