You smell like a Billy Joel song
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
