is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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