Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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