my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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