You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
