At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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