you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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