I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
