Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
