I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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