So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
