Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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