...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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