So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
