If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize