I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
