At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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