I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
