KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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