69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize