Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
