Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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