I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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