my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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