Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
