i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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