hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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