meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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