idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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