Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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