Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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