ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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