I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
