This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
