No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
