i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
